Room for improvement – The Stupendium lyrics

Lyrics Room for improvement – The Stupendium

Room for improvement lyrics
Tsk tsk. Oh dear, love, you’ve got a red subscribe button.
Look, I can fit you a gray one from the van
for 200 quid or you can click the button and do it yourself.
Either way oh, bloody hell!

It’s half eleven and your doorbell chimes (open up)
Yeah, I know I said I’d start at nine
But I had to grab a bap on the M25
Don’t worry, love, still gonna charge for the time
‘Cause I’m the jack of all tradesmen
And your place is craving renovation
Straight from the facias down into your basement
‘Fraid your radiators need replacements
Greatest decorator in an eighth mile radius
Don’t check my ratings, swear they’re outrageous
All their outrage is baseless – I’m blameless
Only three of my extensions ever caved in
You got savings?

Ooh, well I hope you do
‘Cause it’s a heck of a job that I’m quoting you
Look, I know that you only want a coat of blue
But to be safe I’d better run my dozer through
I could do it in a flash, in a jiffy, in a jot
But the trouble is, love,
it’s coming up one O’Clock
So I’ll have a spot of lunch, then a cuppa, then I’m off
And I’ll come back tomorrow, see if anything’s in stock
If I’ve got it in the van, that’s grand
If I haven’t then I gotta’ get the parts from Japan
They should be here Jan, maybe June, in a year, maybe two
But I’ll take the down payment now, see you soon

I tell you, I’ve got five star reviews!
And by that I mean
I have five one-star reviews which
is basically the same thing.
Don’t think about it

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Now, are you sure you want the glass translucent?
I can see a little room for improvement

A one man overhaul sporting overalls
Though I don’t recall the load bearing walls
So I ‘spose I ought to bulldoze ‘em all
Eh, your home is sort of disposable
I do wiring, grouting, I put your power shower in
That pipe ain’t leakin’ it’s just a little fountain
Whatd’ya mean that’s not what a power shower is?

The spout’s right here where the plugs are mounted?
I’m the handyman with the plan
To retire via cheating cash from your gran
Do you really need to tile all my ceilings?
That’s right
I’m afraid, that’ll be ten grand

If your wall’s too bland
I can lend a hand
Got a car full of samples to artfully fan
And most of the lead free cans aren’t banned
Though some colours are still carcinogens
We got eggshell, beige, ecru, sage
Hessian and sesame and peppermint rage
Indigo Dingo, Elephant Plague
Hotdog Embargo and Lemon Rampage
We got Baby Blue, Navy Blue, Gravy Blue, Maybe Blue
Grape and Rhubarbecue, Caribou Cabin Crew
Third Degree Verdigris, Turtle Infirmary
Phlurple and Curdle and Terminal Burgundy-

Oh.. White?
You’d prefer white?
Okay then I mean, that’s fine too
Not hurt or anything.
Just a bit emulsional

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
The fixtures are nice
but the quote don’t include them
I can see a little room for improvement

They say home is where the heart is
And that’s true enough I guess
‘Cause it seems like your garage is
Now in car-diac arrest
I’ve installed some extra arches
But your bathroom’s somewhat less
I’m afraid to say your bath is
Firmly parked upon your desk

I’m a stone cold filler
Pro roach killer
I’m a fixture of fitting in
A kitchen in your villa’
But my tea cup could use a little refill
And I don’t suppose you got a biscuit do ya’?
I’m no clever boffin
but you know I’m never stopping
I can stick up a partition quicker than you’d slot a noggin
I’ll be bodging ‘til my spirit’s level, lying in a coffin
‘Til then I got a new side gig in pressure washing!

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
You clearly just don’t appreciate the Brutalist movement
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Regulations? Nah, never use ‘em
I can see a little room for improvement

Alright folks, thanks for watchin’. And thanks to my generous
clientele over on Patreon for making this sort of thing
possible. If you enjoyed the video, I’ve got a playlist full of
’em just like it in the van. And do us a favour, would ‘ya?
Drop a like, comment, whack the ol’ subscription button, dingle
that little bell and make us a cup of tea while you’re at it,
love? And if you really liked it, have a look at the Patreon,
or me mates over at Fanfiber will do you a nifty tee shirt or
mug or something with me face on it. Anyway, I must dash. I got
a load of windows to clean and I can’t find my hammers
anywhere. Oh, and a biscuit wouldn’t go amisss

Room for improvement – The Stupendium lyrics
Room for improvement - The Stupendium
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